Believe what is true.

I am now starting to believe this : "There are many who want to know, but only few who understand." Indeed, it's served me as an eye opener in which we can't always trust others more than ourself. It is somehow true when it comes to any relationship, be it family or friends. Sometimes, when we think telling everything will iron out the crumples, it actually does not. Even if that happens once in a lifetime. I bet it's not easy to explain what we have in our shoes and how do people see from their own views. Frankly, I get really exhausted and tired at times, knowing that everything that I do to make things right, everything that I do to clear the mess, seems unappreciated and unrecognized. It makes me feel helpless. It's a very tough condition to convince people who always have that negativity in their minds. I know that time will be the witness to everything but how long shall I wait? Even a flame will always keep burning if there's plenty of oil splashed on it.  

A fella once told me : "Don't worry, everything will go back normally, it's just a matter of time and patience. I've experienced this before." I know this fella has been a real help to me, but the untold feeling is bringing me down to the mental of the earth. I am a normal human being after all, and I don't expect and would have never thought that I would be at this state. I guess, I need to leave it to the Almighty and never stop praying. I always pray that He softens my heart as well as those hearts and make things easy for all of us. In fact, with all the hurdles I've been through, I know ALLAH chooses me because He knows I'm capable of handling the issue.

Alhamdulillah.

A little bit of me

It has been a long hiatus since my last post. I've been away and so busy with stabilising and organising my life. 
Anyway, while I was browsing through other's blogs, I found this one, which I believe it's existed ages ago but I still feel like doing it.

TARAAAAA....

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? 
- I guess so

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
-Hello! They're my students. Perhaps, a date for benefit like free lunch? :D

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
-Everyday.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
-Rarely

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
-Should they?

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
-Yup!

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
-Office wear, official attire : baju kurung zzz

8. How often do you listen to music?
-7/10
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
-Jeans

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
-I dont know.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
-Depends on whom I'll be socialising with

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘B’?
Nope

13. What about ‘S’?
Ney!

14. Can you drive a stick shift?
Err.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
I do but I cant do anything.

16. Are you going out of town soon?
Yep, coming Thursday

17. When was the last time you cried?
Few days ago

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
For sure.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
Nope.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
Perhaps.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
Someone ate my food!!!!

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Yes~

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
Yes.

24. What are you sitting on right now?
Table? Of course chair, but not a rocking one.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
Define regular..

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, like Dan Humphrey in Gossip Girl xoxo :D

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Dragon

28. Do you get a lot of colds?
Rarely. Alhamdulillah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
Made in Malaysia

30. Does anyone hate you?
For sure.
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
Nope but I do have empty stomach right now.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?
Sometimes, depends on the time and with whom Im watching it

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
Hell no.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
None. Every ups and downs are lessons!

35. Did you have a dream last night?
I cant recall that

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Cant remember. HAHA

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
If God wills.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I cant read people's hearts

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
How I wish :P

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Not really. I was a total forgetful yesterday.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
Yeah

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Could be, with my officemates.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Could be. I hope I didnt misheard

44. What’s the best part about school?
Friends. Teachers. Memories. They come in a package.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
More than 1

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
Yeah, i'm such a helpful friend you know...

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
SOmetimes, when I'm bored or too sad.

48. Were you single over the last summer?
Single and not married yet.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
-Definitely, I was a student!

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Preparing my stuffs, will be leaving the office in 15 minutes

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
Nope~! Should I?

52. Are you nice to everyone?
I hope I am. But I dont know if they feel the same way.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
Ngee yes!

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Well, I cant answer this. It's too futuristic :P

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Depends on things I'm hiding

56. Do you think you like someone?
Like as ? Friend?

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘T’?
Nope. Can you stop asking this silly question? (ops)

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
girls

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
- yeah!

60. Do you hate anyone?
-Yes. 

61. How’s your heart?
-Still beating

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
-I dont think so...

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Should I?

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Jeng jeng jeng

65. Are your toenails painted pink?
I prefer natural.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
I hope it's not

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
- Sometimes.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
- Oh please...

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
-Dragon

70. How do you look right now?
- Like a cencaluk or budu. It's 5.20pm!

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
- A few..

72. Can you commit to one person?
- I will try my best

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
- Everything? Not all, maybe 80%.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?
- Sometimes.

75. Did you wake up cranky?
-If it's on weekends and I have insufficient sleeping hours :D
 
76. Are you a jealous person?
-Jealous for something good?
 
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
-They are always worth it. I've learnt a lot~ 

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
- Yes, the person who's a swing mood. I can't tolerate 'swinger'

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
- Yes, it's you D

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
- Slides for cluttering

81. Last person you cried in front of?
- Mom!

82. Is there someone you will never forget?
- Yes, my late dad.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
- Yes and i hope he'll always be.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
- Movie? Ironman 3? 

85. Are you over your past?
-Yes, but sometimes I look at it, just to be sure I wont be repeating the same stupid acts. 

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
- No. Friends are friends. 

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
- For now, no.

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
- Is he still alive? HAAHA

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
- For what? Go home and sleep.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
- Sometimes because we sometimes have different opinions on someone. 

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
- I hope so. 

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
- Yes, my previous student. He's very smart

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
- C'mon. Next question please

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
- Yes, doing well. Alhamdulillah

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?

-Of course.
 
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
- Yes, at least to me :D

97. Who do you have texts from?
- A colleague, offering me biscuits if I'm hungry. Sweet tak?

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
- !@#$%^^&&&^%$##@

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
- Late dad, Mom

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
-Now, it's only me.  

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
-Wuuh, in my dreams with my husband-to-be

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?- Hehe yes!


Oh my. I took 15 minutes to answer this. It's time for me to stop. Pack my things and drift home.

Vrooom..

World of Fools

Comparing now and fifteen years back, the distinction is clear.
Looking at how people change from one year to another is absolutely scary.
Risking life for a better opportunity is adventurous yet leads to devastation.
Above all, we are the actors.

Yes, we're living in the world of fools. You are an actor and so do me. We have our special roles so that world would not be safe and sound. But, do we really play our role? Question to ponder, question to wonder and question yourself about it.

Here, I'm not complaining but I'm expressing things that I don't feel easy to express. The 2010 people are becoming more selfish. They don't really care others' feelings, they ignore what's right and wrong and neglect the nature of conduct. I don't mind if you're having fun, but do others feel the same? Even if it does not state in AL Quran 'what goes around comes around' our God is very fair. Whomever laugh out loud over others' depression, the consequences await at the corner of the road. We just do not know where and when we are going to slip. Thus, be sure that your good deeds pay you with a huge rewards. No matter how pious you are, if you have the heart problem ( i mean, jealousy) , you will never go anywhere. You will stick to the place you're standing until you realize the footsteps that have left behind.

When talking about possession, obssession and frustration will come along. I can see how girls nowadays are very daring. Daring to show them off. Why? Where's the culture of 'Perempuan Sopan' ? Where's the culture of 'Timba cari perigi' ? Sometimes, I try to think why some ladies tend to show their weaknesses when in fact they have trillion other good things to show off. Sometimes, being too desperate is unhealthy ; making you feel more sick and others who read / witness it vomit. I may be too offensive but looking at weird things done by good ladies is not something to be easily accepted.

Again, we are the actors, living in a world of fools. If there's no such type of people, the world will become dull and mundane. True, sometimes, this kind of people really makes someone's day brighter or vice versa. Without feeling sad, happy, or frustrated, we will miss one the greatest feelings in life.

Thus, just play your role as the way you're assigned to. Cheers <3

Feel

Looking at your eyes,
makes me feel happy.
Looking at your smile,
vanishes all the worries.

Once the words uttered,
everything is like in a wonderland.
I could see the many shapes of lolipops,
colourful cotton candies,
and fantastico sparkling juices.

Once the laughs made,
I feel like I'm at the top of the hill,
I feel tall though I'm a bit petite,
I feel fat though I'm skinnier now,
I feel awesome though I am a little bit reckless sometimes.

When we are close, I feel the chemistry,
I feel the purity,
and I feel the feeling of untold.
It is only you and me
who could feel what it feels :)

ignorance is a bliss. is it?

hurm. when i start reaching the age of 22, i've started to realize that everything can be a bliss. 100% attention, over caring, less sensitive, ignorance, they lead to a blissful life. for certain people, they feel the meaning of life by being sensitive towards others but some may say that IGNORANCE is a bliss. Less care leads to major excitement. (oh yeah? sometimes, i guess ;p)

sometimes, we as normal human beings, couldn't demand things beyond our will. sometimes, things should be left unsaid and that is when ignorance becomes a very useful tool in order to enjoy a good life. when people treat us that way, that is when we should pull the cart back to them. it is not revenge, but it can be called as a 'life lesson' because humans are usually forgetful. hence, they should be reminded more often.

in fact, not all people are fair. sometimes, they think what they've done is right but when it comes to our part, they will say it's wrong, unethical, stupid, selfish n blah blah blah~ and once again, ignorance is a bliss. we can never please people all the time. prior of all, if other people do not know how to treat us, then why should we struggle learning on how to treat them in a correct manner. life's like a wheel. so, everyone will experience ups and downs. if they can make us feel like a pinky finger being slashed by a razor blade, so why cant we transfer a lil bit of it to them? we are just synchronizing the feeling.... hohoho >:)

what ever it is, try not to upset others by being such an ignorant jerk. you will never know whats waiting for you there. because, once uve made others hurt, u'll be 'blessed' with 100 times pain and suffers. so, think for your own good peeps because a normal homosapien cannot act like an angel all the time :)

i just stay

i moved slowly
there were two lanes
i took the left one
i knew
the left was not as good as the right
but
i realized it when i was half way through it
there were loop holes
the surface was not smooth
i got bumping here and there
but still,
i stay, at the left lane.

when.

when the heart beats fast
it tells
something happens
when the face frowns all day long
it tells
something is not all right
when sound of crickets is heard at night
it tells
the air is very quiet
when lamp produces its sound too
oh yes,
it tells the room is super duper empty.